Not Even For 17 Million Dollars

2 12 2009

Earlier this week, as we all know, Notre Dame fired head football coach Charlie Weis.  Sad story for Weis right? Wrong!  As a parting gift, Weis and Notre Dame need to settle on a buyout price.  Weis has a contract through the 2015 season, and the buyout appears to be around the 17 million dollar mark. 17 million dollars to get fired? I would love for that to happen.  This got me thinking however about how many jobs I wouldn’t even consider doing for 17 million dollars, and would quit for free.

If someone offered me 17 million dollars to sort and sift through the garbage at the local dump, I couldn’t accept it.  You are probably thinking that the dump wouldn’t be that bad, but you didn’t have the same experience that I once had.  On one of my rare trips to the dump, I found myself running into a small mountain of rotten and ripped apart cow carcasses. The smell of that trip, still haunts me to this very day. 17 million for the chance to smell that again? Hell no!

The next job I thought about, is the position of an Obstetrician.  For all the men who don’t know what that is, it would be the doctor that has or will deliver your children.  I would like to apologize to my future wife for I may not be able to stay conscience during the birthing process.  I have seen movies in health class, and that was all I needed to see.  I think that the miracle of reproduction is amazing, I just don’t want to see it happen, and especially not from a front row seat.  Doc, go ahead and pull my offspring out, I won’t do it, not even for 17 million.

The last one I would for sure deny is a morgue worker.  I will openly admit that I am not a fan of scary movies and going to haunted houses, so why would I ever work in a morgue?  For far too long have Jason, Freddy Krueger, Micheal Myers, Thomas Hewitt, and that scary boat scene from the first Willy Wonka haunted my dreams.  I would be paranoid the entire time thinking that the corpses are either moving, or going to come back alive, ya zombies, not so friendly.  I wouldn’t take 17 million to sit alone with a corpse for 5 minutes let alone every night.

Other jobs I considered were a septic tank cleaner, anything to do with tomatoes, and coming on fast is the New Jersey Nets head coach job.  Charlie Weis, you can honestly retire now that you are cashing in.  I guess some people do get a reward for doing a job well….undone.  Hey on the bright side, now you can join a nice gym.

Written by: Matthew Flygare
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